I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
