i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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