The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
