dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
