wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize