Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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