Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
