I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
