Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
