and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
