we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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