How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
