Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
