Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
