My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
