Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
