I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
