There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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