I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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