Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
