My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
