I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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