That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
