Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
