Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
