bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
