You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
