the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
