I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
