I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
