drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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