yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
