the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
