I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
