my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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