His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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