I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
