Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
