if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
