that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
