but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
