if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
