Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you pee in the oven last night??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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