there's paper in my vomit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
