you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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