last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm too high and old for this...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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