I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
