absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
