okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
