my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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