my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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