Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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