I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
