So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he puts the penis in happiness.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
