well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
