Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
