You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
