Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just cut my nipple shaving
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
