I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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