The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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