we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
