Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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