peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
