Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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