OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
