All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
