Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
