I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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