we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
