I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
