the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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