Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize